I see nothing.
Black and bleak and blurry.
I see nothing. I feel nothing. I am nothing.
I dream and dream this nightmare every day. The void of my life runs deep into my subconscious. It created this dimension where he exists. And he crawls.
The black on the background makes his features fog like and his skin paler that it is.
I can´t move, can´t breathe.
I can´t walk, can´t talk.
The time moves like it is only a whisper, and I see and hear and feel his approach.
I am afraid.
My eyes fill with watery gray tears and I suffocate in panic.
RUN, GET ME OUT.
But my feet are glued to the floor and my stare is glued to monster that is moving, moving slowly.
I know what it does. It consumes. It grabs and shakes until there is no joy. It kills.
The nightmare comes and goes in waves. One day I am safe and he can´t reach my dreamland but most times he finds me.
He is the monster that inhabits the labyrinth that my mind formed when I was running away from my childhood. He holds the key to my thoughts and my goals. He devours my confidence and he controls my hole being.
And I am scared.
I scared of it. I am scared of sleeping. I am scared of waking up.
He is always there, breathing down my next. Whispering death treats over and over and over again.
I can´t live. I can´t.
There is no sound here. But I can hear my cry because of scratch it produces in my soul.
There is so much blur in my eyes. So much pain in my flesh.
There is no wake up call for me, is it?
The creature is blank, devoid of eyes. It possesses stretched out limbs that neither exist or not exist. There is a certainty transparency to its skin, it is slimy and dark pink. But I only know that because I am its acquaintance. If I wasn´t then I would only know the size of its mouth. The size of its smile.
It is smiling and smiling while I cry and cry. But no tears roll and no screams are heard.
The floor is bottomless and I just wish I could be engulfed by the dark.
It doesn´t walk. It slides, it crawls, it scratches the ground with its long and sharp nails.
There is so much of it that is human. And that scares me the most. It freaks me out. The human smile. The human way it moves, it breathes.
In an instant, I feel movement rushing into my veins and my legs pulse for distance. So, I run, into the black. Into the void. But it pursues its prey. I am only a prey.
Run, run, run.
I can only run so far.
It catches up. I can feel my whole body slipping away into the fear.
I stop suddenly. My energy crashed into the floor.
I am tired.
I am so tired.
Of being always and always afraid.
The pale monster surges in my vision. It stares. It touches the point of my nose with its cold skin.
I feel like falling apart. I am lost again.
My eyes close, shut down with a million different locks. Impossible to open with such a rush of terror.
But it wants me to look.
It whispers: “Open your eyes.
It circles me over and again. Saying those words with such a misty and deep voice. There is humanity inside it. There is darkness and there is amusement.
It wants me to fear. And I do.
My breath catches up on fire, water floats thought my lungs. I am drowning. I think.
And then I hear it, the loudest shout, the foggiest laugh. The whole universe shakes. I shake.
“OPEN”, it urges.
I can´t anymore. I can´t hold it.
The smile glimpses across its face. I notice two void holes instead of eyes. The more I look into them the more I believe I see something.
Something only I see.
My eyes are there. Clear like the crystal mirror in front of my face.
It is me.
The fear, the panic. The horror of my own despair is the pale monster.
And it consumes me.