I have suffered in your hands for far too long. Suffocating into a ghostly liquid that fills my lungs over and over again.
I don´t recognize my own mind or soul, where it used to be clear it is dark.
You changed my life.
It all started small, silence, with no sound. Easy it was for you to take place into my fragile body. Trauma is an excuse for what you did to me.
I met you in an early stage on my life. I was still in the process of figuring out myself. Back then I didn´t know you as depression. I knew you as sadness or overreacting.
As the years progressed and life happened I gave in. More each time, allowing you to grow roots into my young brain. Making way for your cancerous thoughts.
I didn´t know. I didn´t know that it would take me here.
Losing best friends, being used as a sex toy, being abused, being left out, all of that crap that we spent together. You were my only friend. Or so I though. So, I left my judgement get away and you to take over. I went auto pilot where the only mission was death.
How to die was my most important thought of the day. How, where, when? How I am going to tell my parents or my sisters or my boyfriend. There was no escape from this loop.
I let you in because I knew you would get the job done. Right? Don´t mind me, just do it.
Sadly, love come over to fight. You see I wasn´t all trauma. I had love in me, around me. I could give in, and I did, but love didn´t.
For years I built love just as much as I let you build in me. My parents love, my sisters love, my boyfriend love, my God.
Dear depression, it has been far too long. I need to let you go. For all of your effort I say thank you but I cannot die. Because I love. I love to live, I love my family. I love.
I believe in love more that I believe in you.
And even if there is 1% of love in me, you can´t overcome it. Ever.
You are a disease and I think I found a cure. The cure is to love again.
I don´t love myself. You took that away. But I love. And if I love there is hope.
Death is too tragic for someone that loves.
Thank you for your lessons, but I need to make you go away.
Bye old friend, I will see you shortly but with hope always.