This is day 6 of this crazy little journey that I am putting myself through. If you want to check of day 5 it is here: https://blankssd.com/2018/03/15/the-insecurities-of-a-20-years-old-woman-social-anxiety/
This is a self-discovery path for me that I decided to share with the world because:
- This way I am kind of forced to do it.
- I know that 20-years-old women are insecure and maybe they will want some company on their own journeys to adult-life.
Enjoy, laugh and stay strong.
Fashion is a pain in the ass for some of us. I am one of them.
All my life I have loved clothing and accessories and all of that stuff.
I loved owing 100 scarfs and actually wearing 2 of them, the same with earrings, almost the same with necklaces but I didn´t wear any of them in this case.
I was a queen of colour based clothing, I even owned a special pearl (fake ones) necklace with the colours of the rainbow. My mother used to take me out to by clothing and her argument between two pieces that she likes has: “You don´t have anything on this colour”. And so, I lived with 400 different blouses and EVERY ONE of them in a different colour.
When I started to gradually change to neutral colours like black and grey I remember my mother telling me that I looked depressed. When I started wearing red my friends ask me If I has trying to seduce a guy. When I wore a deep orange one time someone call me a child.
Fashion is hard. It really is. Mostly for woman. We are expected to look good plus be fashionable plus match everything plus choose the latest trend plus having your own identify and style.
What? How? Why?
But even with all of the struggle I can say that I love fashion.
I love to the adventure of finding new items and to wear them for the first time. I love it. But I suspected that it is a cultural and gender thing. My mother loves it. My sisters love it. Since small the taste for clothing and bags and accessories was carved into me.
I cannot spend one week with buying something new, something different. I am constantly renewing my closet, throwing things away and replacing them for new ones. And because of that I buy a LOT of cheap stuff.
My insecurity in this area is more about personal style that anything.
Last week I had to attend an important meeting and I had to dress “smartly”. I choose grey jeans with a black blouse, black boots and an orange “office style” jacket. I had no idea if “smartly” means that. How do you know?
In our society, how you dress is very important. It is the first reflexion of who you are. It shows your mood, your intentions, your lifestyle, if shows you. And that scares me. What if I change every ten seconds? Some days I change clothes in the middle of the day, why? Because I don´t feel like me dressed the way that I am so I change.
I am afraid of being judge in my fashion choices because they are bold. I wear orange jackets and yellow skirts and pink letter jackets. I love a dark outfit, all black. I have to many different styles combined that people might be confused by who I am.
And you know what? I am too sister.